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*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life

*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child

*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is

*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone

*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing

*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents

*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me

*period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

May 22, 2017

just-gypsy-caroline:

dangergays:

My boyfriend broke up with me and my 80 year old, 5 foot tall, Indian grandmother told me that “there are lots of men…”

I thought she was then going to say “…in the sea” but she said “…they’re like flies” and made a disgusted face.

She hates flies.

I like the sound of your grandmother.

(via fruitcrocs)

May 22, 2017

casdcan:

real talk my mom never invaded my privacy, always knocked and waited for my “come in” instead of barging into my room, never tried to read my texts or journals or notes, and I always came to her with sensitive subjects; to the point of telling her I lost my virginity the /day/ I lost my virginity

what I’m saying is: respect your kids’ privacy and they will come to you with shit you’re worried about them doing

(via trust)

May 22, 2017

phdbitch:

I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me, the world is too big and I have too much to offer.

(via fruitcrocs)

Apr 09, 2017

disneykin:

ppl who think that saying “I love you” to someone a lot makes it lose it’s meaning are so boring literally what could make you think that? if someone tells you they love you like 3 times in an hour it means that 3 separate times they were sitting there and thinking about you and how wonderful you are like. smh. say I love you to everyone that you love as often as possible bc sometimes it’s easy to forget that there are people who love you

(via fruitcrocs)

Apr 09, 2017

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